Tony Gonzalez Is A Pussy

So everyone is making a big deal about Tony Gonzalez saving some clown shoe from choking to death at some restaurant. Kent Babb at the Kansas City Star reports that the Chiefs tight-end was at some Italian eatery when some asshole with no teeth tried eat an entire filet-mingion by just mashing his tired old gums on it.

The idiot in question began to choke and his wife screamed for help. And that right there is why Tony Gonzalez is a pussy. So he gets up and punches the guy in a stomach a couple of times and everyone lives happily ever after, but Coach Ryan is tired of old bitches screaming for help. This old bag has arms, why does the pro-bowl tight-end have to get up, let his veal scalapini get cold and do something that anyone can do?

Oh, he's choking, HELP! HELP! Coach Ryan's response? "Somebody should clock him in the gut, but not me, this dinner is too delicious to interrupt." What was that hag doing that was so important that she couldn't have handled things. She better have no arms.

Bottom line. Coach Ryan is getting tired of all these people who need help. You're dumb and choking on a juicy steak, let's be real, it's a filet. A medium rare one at that. Those things fall apart if you so much as fart near them. And this asshole finds a way to get it caught in his airway. This is why the world is going straight to hell. Back in the day, the guy who's too dumb to chew his food had his gene's removed from the pool. But now he'll spread his seed and we'll have to take shifts to monitor his kids from choking on something like their own spit. They'll probably have peanut allergies too. The times we live in....