Thursday, July 17, 2008

Josh McCown Withdrawls From ESPN Timber Sport Competition

First, as a former Lion who never took a snap for Coach Ryan's team and he fucking should have, we... no... Corection, they started 1-7 that year so why the fuck not? Josh "Tears of" McCown (as he is affectionately known by Chris Berman fans everywhere, and yes, Coach Ryan will nail "Boomer" soon) has a special place in my heart.

Arizona, Detroit, Oakland, now Miami, McCown is a lot better than anyone thinks. Rocket laser arm Peyton Manning cell phone commercial style? Yes. He's better than Brodie Croyle, why the fuck did his agent not point to Kansas City? Guess who's fucking fired.

Anyways, I digress.

McCown, underrated he may be, also happens to be a complete fucking clown shoe. Slick can master the art of gelling his hair, but give him a chain saw and everything's fucked. The Sun-Sentinal reports that McCown is giving up the STIHL after a close call.

A little dillema here. Timber sports? American Psycho? Both lovely chainsaw videos. How about both seperated by a brief environmental message from Coach Ryan?

Aside from the original sin debacle, trees were grown on God's green earth for the human race to evolve from hunter-gatherers into smelters so that we could develop tools, and from there, sharp metallic stainless steel wedges (but these new graphite joints chop wood Rutgers football style). We quickly moved beyond that to motor driven objects with rotating sharp teeth... Bawwwwwwwwwlin'? Yes. A thousand times yes.

Today, with Josh Hamilton's Lord and savior's will, we can only hope that things don't change. As it stands, trees exist to get knocked the fuck out in an effort to deterimine which one of us is the world's greatest chaw-chewing hick. Let us pray that times don't change. Top Dollar Coaching sincerely appologizes for the official language spoken by illegal immigrants everywhere, but the only other alternative accompanied by country music on the dang youtube was in fucking German. And who won WWII? We're not resorting to that. Fence jumping it is, holmes.

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