Arthur Blank Can Fucking Belive It's Not Butter

When Home Depot co-founder Arthur Blank and his John Waters mustache signed up for majority owner of the Falcons it was to jump on the Michael Vick bandwagon. Not a diffiucult decision, Vick's winnning percentage speaks for itself. It actually says a lot more when you factor in the number of busts Rich McKay supplied him with, but that's another story in itself.

This is a fact. In his first year starting, Vick single handedly led the way to the first playoff road victory at Lambeau field against the Packers. That's right, until 2002, nobody had done that. In 2003 Vick missed all but five games with a bum wheel. The Falcons started out 1-10. He played the last five games going 4-1 in the process. Next year, despite Blank retardedly pulling the plug on Dan Reeves, Vick led himself and Alge Crumpler to the NFC Championship.

Arthur Blank had it made, his star quarterback was better than anyone could imagine, if he could push this heap of shit team to the NFC championship, only God knows what he can't do.

Lengthy lead , Coach Ryan knows, but it is warrented. Flash-forward to 2008. Vick is wrongfully in jail (yes Coach Ryan said it, if he was Paris Hilton he'd be out. Who's crueler to dogs?). The Falcons let pain-in-the ass pro bowl cornerback Deangelo Hall go for next to nothing, and now they are stuck with a great big shit sandwich, and all of Atlanta is going to have to take a bite... that is, according to Jarret Bell at Coach Ryan's favorite paper, the USA Today.

What makes this story gold is all the haters who trashed Vick's quarterbacking skills. All these hyporcrites have painted the Falcons as losers, and they are, but they quickly forget that it wasn't but 18 months ago that they had Vick painted as the worst quarterback in the NFL. Retraction anyone? People argue that Tom Brady and Peyton Manning are the most important people in the NFL, as in if either team lost either signal-callers, they'd be fucked. How about Vick? In this case the evidence is actually there.

Now the Falcons are stuck with Matt Ryan (for six years), whose claim to fame is that his team succesfully avoided complete mediocrity because the Boston College special teams managed to pull off an onside kick against Virginia Tech wide-out, and dumb fuck, Josh Morgan. That goes wrong and Matt Ryan is a fifth rounder carrying Brodie Croyle's clip-board, and swinging dick.

This said, Coach Ryan hopes the Flacons "faithful" enjoy their new product, Matt Ryan. Vick may be dumb (or baller) for his dog fighting beef, but the Falcons are dumber for not fighting the PETA movement and standing behind the QB that put them on the map. Perhaps had they ignored that dog loving bullshit, and bought him some legal help Ray Lewis style, Vick would be back this season. Now he's destined to sign with another team come his release. Here's hoping it's the Lions.

So with that, Coach Ryan says cheers to Matt Ryan. Goodluck, dick squeezer. Good call Arthur Blank, how's that Petrino signing working out? Clown. Lowes kicks the shit out of Home Depot anyways. Jimmy Johnson anyone?