Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Brady Quinn Is Either Smart or Really Dumb

This requires no lengthy lead. Brady Quinn is wearing tights in practice as seen on one of Coach Ryan's favorites,

Now here's a long post:

There are two unspoken rules in the NFL.

Rule #1: No gays allowed
Rule #2: If you queers happen to pull a fast one, and slip your shit-stained cocks past rule one, you're not allowed to do things that might tip people off to your gayness.

Coach Ryan doesn't know, or care to know Brady Quinn's sexual preferences... Correction. Coach Ryan doesn't know Brady Quinn's sexual preferences. This is the best story in the NFL hands down.

Cleveland, like New York, like Detroit, like Pittsburg, and like Buffalo are places where the thought of a gay anything causes heads to explode, especially people who watch Joel Osteen informercials. These people are the blue collar towns where everything must be on the straight and narrow. A gay quarterback? Forget it. They would call him a low down ruthless vato and never shake his hand. In these towns there is only room for tits, beer, and football. No shit-pushing. Unless you're in prison of course, then it's all open game.

Cities like San Francisco, Seattle, San Diego, Boston, Minnesota, and definitely Dallas, these are the few places that the concept of a gay player might make heads spin, but can't be overcome. Tony Romo has come a long ways (and only on girls, or has he?). It's going to happen sometime to somebody.

The first guy that does it will be killed. But, before some religious lunatic takes him out, he will make billions and trillions of dollars in endorsements from gay stuff. You can't tell Coah Ryan that if BQ is in fact a top or bottom, or even a twink, that GLAAD, Ambercrombie and Fitch, Express for Men, MTV, VH1, Mike and Mike in the Morning, Red Lobster and Toyota won't send him big time cash to endorse their product.

B-Quiddy already gets money for that muscle milk and protein bar shit, which is probably about the gayest group of products. Dude's pumping huge at the gym, drinking muscle milk and jacking off to their own reflection in the mirror? Major gay.

Anyways, what Coach Ryan is getting at is that BQ has pulled just about every trick in the book to get people to think that he's gay, just like Peyton Manning has done to prove that he's not gay with Kenny Chesney, whose undoubetly gay by even gay standards. A precedent is being set. Maybe if he keeps this kind of thing up people will pull a Red Sox nation and say, oh that's just Brady being Brady. (Not that Brady, and for the record, Tom Brady does a lot of gay shit, but that asshole always gets back to square one by nailing hot bitches. That mother fucker.)

So, If Derek Anderson goes down (not on somebody, on the field), or he performs masterfully Brady Quinn will get his chance to shine, whether in Cleveland or some place else, and this discussion may or may not come up, depending on if he keeps up his current tendancies, or comes out. Someday soon a really good athlete that is gay will come out, much to Tim Hardaway's chagrin.

But it will happen. And there is a lot of loot and bullets that will rain down. Now who wants to be first. Maye Brady Quinn does. God bless him if he does, and bless him twice if he does it a blue collar town not named Detroit. Okay Detroit too, but only if he pretends to be straight. See? This homophobia shit is tough slugging.

By the way football is the only sport that has every play begin with a player slapping a 300 pound man in the taint, or sometimes they miss and hit sack, or miss in the direction and hit straight bung. For whatever reason, it's accepted that it's not gay.

Editors note: This above statement is actually that's wrong. Wrestling is incredibly gay. Coach Ryan apologizes to all the readers for this error, and especially to Coach Ken for all the low blows. By the way, the entire post can be summed up in this video.

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